Teachers Hear

Two children, aged 7, talking in the corridor.

“My dad has a bag of tadpoles.”

“No he doesn’t.”

“No, you’re right he doesn’t, but it’d be cool if he did.”


During a discussion about Fair-trade products, and about how little of a 30p banana will go back to the farmer who grew it, Beth, aged 8, had an idea.

“Why don’t we give 29p to the farmer and 1p to the lorry drivers. Then the supermarkets can burn their shops down and claim on insurance.”

Tom, aged 5, was asked to write his own maths question.

109 people are at a party. One of them really likes music so he dances in front of the music machine, but then the music machine sucks him up and eats him. How many people are left?”


Argument between Sam and Oliver, both 7, on the carpet.

“Mr Smith knows everything.”

“He doesn’t know what it’s like to be a dinosaur.”

Jessica, 6, began her story excellently.

Sally woke up and went down stairs to eat her Brexit.

Tom has great ideas on the carpet – especially when creating similes.

“It’s as cold as your anus?”

Quickly discovered that he meant ‘Uranus’.

“… My mum says you’re too old to teach.”

Reception child I don’t know, presumably 4/5. Every morning when I am on break duty.

“When’s it home time?”

“The North Pole is cold because it’s closest to the sky.”

Rachel, 8. Still unsure what she meant.

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